Sharing Ideas

On spring and autumn relationships

Some readers of ‘They Deserved It’ have remonstrated with me. They feel that there are legitimate reasons for younger people having sexual relationships or marriages to older partners.

Some feel that my novel implied that women who have affairs with or marry older men are gold diggers or virtually prostitutes.

Some older men feel that I have been unfair to them. They feel that their relationship with a younger woman is based on mutual respect and love rather than any lustful or power play on their part.

My initial reaction is to say, ‘Hey it’s a novel, not a learned discourse on all possible relationships. I am not putting myself forward to judge the lives of real people. Well, with one or two exceptions.’

Thinking further on this I offer the following comments:

Anyone who writes is of course biased or at least influenced by their own experiences and feelings.  Call me atypical or worse, but I can see that there are many women of my daughter’s age or younger or even quite a bit older, (she is just turned 30), who are pretty, beautiful or interesting. However, I have yet to be sexually attracted to any. Yes, Honestly! If I analyze why that is so, there seem to be a number of possible reasons.

Maybe I lack the self confidence to feel that they would be attracted to a man of 64 and therefore I subconsciously tune them out.

Perhaps I have an over heightened sense of what comprises pedophilia.

I certainly prefer the company of women around my own age, give or take a few years. They have extensive life experiences and seem more interesting to talk to. Maybe young men are less interested in the talking part.

Recently, I have observed two male autumns in relationships with female springs. They both seem to be cases where the man has shaped, mentored or helped the woman to grow and fulfill her potential in career and other fields.  There seems to be a mutually loving relationship in both cases. Of course, one can never really tell what is going on in the lives of others.  Acting as mentor and helping a woman to develop her potential seems a fair reason for a relationship and mutual attraction.

A negative relationship of this type might be of the Svengali type. The man is merely shaping the woman for his own ends. 

Looking at female autumns and male springs is also interesting.  There are gigolos and gold diggers there too. However, I feel that if that is what the women want and they know the score, that is up to them. I admit that I feel that the schoolboys who are approached by their female teachers are rather lucky and that it is not the same the other way round. Call that irrational, but I know many men feel the same way.